Women can't be Autistic, only little boys who like Trains have Autism!

If you are here it's mostly likely you are an Autistic woman and being an Autistic woman comes with its own trial and tribulations in this neurotypical life. Our own struggles. 

Being Autistic of course brings struggles to us all but women have struggles to do with Autism and the stereotype that haunts us to this day that Autism is a male condition. 

There's also that women have Female Autism which means we have mild Autism and can't be as bad as our male counterparts. 

This is false but so many medical professionals, friends, family, random people we meet will assume that we either have "mild" autism which is a whole different subject or we just don't seem or look Autistic. 

What they are trying to say is we don't look white, male and socially awkward. 

Many Autistic women camouflage or mask more than Autistic men. This is theoried for a couple of reasons. One being the boys are allowed to be more violent in play, they are seen as trouble and it's almost socially acceptable that they are Autistic. 

We are seen as shy, struggle to make friends, need to try harder. We are just socially awkward. We can't possibly have any struggle other than she's shy it's fine. But we mask from a very young age and a lot of women are diagnosed later in life so that mask is almost super glued to our face. A wonderful book I've been reading is "unmasking Autism". 

As women even our stims get masked into socially acceptable stims, like bitting nails, twirling hair. 

Our special interests aren't seen as odd as many of us find horses, boy bands, dolls to be our special interest and that again is socially acceptable to the neurotypical population. We just enjoy playing by ourselves. Again, we are just shy. Hey we will probably grow out of it and become a social butterfly. 

When I asked about an Autism diagnosed I was first me with "you are just quirky" then I was met with a response that shocked me. "Only little boys who like Trains and can't talk have autism". Holy batman of stereotypes and amusingly enough on of my special interests are Trains but I'm a woman! I can't be Autistic! 

Women are often misdiagnosis as well. They are told they are bioloar, BPD, anxiety and more. It's very often looked at and clicked oh they are Autistic. So many women get given medication that's strong and can cause its own issues in the body without helping them. Some have multiple mental health issues and are autistic. It's missed so much for women even if they show the same signs as boys/men. This then make you feel like you are going crazy. Medication isn't working, therapy isn't helping and you feel broken. 

So many women also end up being sectioned under the mental health act and that causes their Autism to become more "obvious" to everyone but they still aren't flagged as Autistic and given more and more medication. 

For so many women it's missed until they are an adult and they have tried multiple therapies. It can be incredibly hard to be diagnosed but once you are at an autism clinic luckily they know how to spot the signs of being Autistic and we are then finally diagnosed. This is usually followed by burnout as you relive all the moments in your life and think oh that happened because I'm Autistic or I struggled with that because I'm Autistic. It's a huge cycle to go through. 

If you live in the UK I would push to be seen by an autism clinic. They know how to find the signs of autism and how it can show differently in women. Sadly if you are diagnosed as an adult autism clinics don't have the funding to offer help like they do for Autistic children. But you will have an answer. A diagnosis if you fit the criteria. 

I understand some may struggle especially if you don't have insurance or your insurance doesn't cover it in other countries. 

It's worth the wait which can be up to 2 years. Keep pushing to finally get the diagnosis and if they don't think you fit the criteria ask questions such as 

• If you believe I'm not Autistic why do I have these struggles (list what you struggle with) 
• Is it possible I could still be neurodivergent such as having ADHD? If so could I be referred for a ADHD assessment. 
• Have you diagnosed many women with autism? If no, why? 

Many do get a diagnosis once they have the full assessment because you have to fill out a lot of forms that flag up Autistic traits. If you show enough traits you are then put on the waiting list for a full autism assessment. 

Once you are diagnosed there are a lot of Facebook groups that offer support. A lot of women are diagnosed as Level 1 but that doesn't mean you are more or less autistic than someone else but rather you've learnt to mask well and you speak well. Levels overall don't have a lot of difference in your diagnosis so try not to focus on them too much although it can be hard. 

Some good Facebook groups for Autistic women including

• Suprise! You're Autistic! 
• Autistic Women 
• Women with autism/Autistic women and girls 
• The Autism comedy club 

Remember it can be hard to be taken seriously but if you think you fit the autism criteria keep pushing to get an assessment if you can. It takes time and you may have to ask several doctors but in the long run it's worth getting diagnosed because then you fully know. It's amazing how much you can learn about being Autistic and yourself with an assessment. Lean on others for support and remember you are never alone. There's a lot of Autistic women out there ready to support you and help you! 

Lady Red